| # | Player | Comments |
| 1 | Alex Ovechkin | Cheap, dirty, cherry picker, doesn't know how to pass |
| 2 | Sean Avery | Dirty, cheap, any word that you can think of that is wrong with the game |
| 3 | Patrick Roy | Douche bag goalie has raised a douche bag son |
| 4 | Hal Gill | Big and slow. Skates like shit. aka No skill Gill |
| 5 | Marian Hossa | Snubs the Pens over 400k for a tad bit better chance to win in one year when he could've had 6 years in the 'burgh |
| 6 | Ilya Kovalchuk | Dirty and arrogant. |
| 7 | Rod Brind'Amour | Hideous face. Can't stand to watch him play. He's also a douche |
| 8 | Ryan Malone | Lazy. Too afraid to work in front of the net. Glad the Pens didn't pay him and let him go to Tampa Bay with all the other has-been or never-were Pens |
| 9 | Rob Scuderi | Don't know how to put it. He just sucks |
| 10 | Kris Beech | So much for being a first round pick. All that hes turned out to be is a fringe player, bouncing from team to team as a call-up. Garbage |