| # | Player | Comments |
| 1 | Sean Avery | It's almost too easy, but he's big time cheap and I'll always associate him with the Rangers so... |
| 2 | Luch Nasato | You know I thought about spitting on this guy when I was 15. He looked like he was 30, had quite the caveman stubble thing going. |
| 3 | Louis Robitaille | The Claude Lemieux of the AHL. Bonvie's unintelligent foil the last few years. |
| 4 | Patrick Kaleta | Leaves his feet to deliver 'hits,' but like all Sabres never backs it up with more than lip service. |
| 5 | Mark Mancari | Mouthpiece of the AHL. Once saw him talk a Manchester Monarch into dropping his gloves, but didn't drop. The Monarch had to jump on his own bench to avoid a penalty. Be a man Mancari! |
| 6 | Jesse Boulerice | Forgot all about the whole killing a guy with the stick thing. Figures. He's emblematic for me as what the Phantoms stand for. |
| 7 | Craig Berube | Used to pound on the Isles I loved as a 12 year old...nothing personal |
| 8 | Chris Simon | What on earth made Russian officials think he'd be a good fit in their new superleague? |
| # | Team | Comments |
| 1 | Philadelphia Phantoms 2005-2006 | Typical Philadelphia. No class, no respect for the game. How did John Slaney get mixed up with this bunch of douchebags for so many years? |
| 2 | Rochester Americans 2006-2007 | Seriously? Stefan Meyer of all people had to fight 5 times for this tremendous bunch of pussies? Most unphysical team I've ever seen. Made Denis Hamel look like Georges Laraque. |
| 3 | Hershey Bears 1999-2000 | Really Hershey? Two guys on little Darcy Verot in the corner? You stay classy. |
| 4 | Rochester Americans 1999-2000 | Man I hated these arrogant bullies. Boulton against J.P. Tessier, come on now. Maybe Syracuse had some beef on April 5. |
| 5 | Philadelphia Phantoms 1999-2000 | Yet another bully squad from 99-2000 when the baby Pengs simply weren't ready for the competition. |